(this is a permanent top post - newer stuff is under, so don't tell me that it isn't 2012 please. .....Jan 2011 and I've changed it back. I so crazy)
It is finally here...The Con - Scuba Diving in the Sea of Disinformation can now (12 March 2008) can be bought from...
1 This website
2 The gay bakers down the road
3 Smoking Man, who runs the wine shop
4 Any of about 10 people I have given free copies to. You could probably buy one of them on the cheap, if you do not mind peeling the dried tears of laughter and sorrow from the pages.
EDIT - 13 March
One of my many brothers just called - madly, Amazon started selling my book yesterday. Wow! Fast. They even know how many pages it is - a number that I deliberately kept secret, for reasons best known to myself. I sent a copy to the British Library - which is a legal requirement (inside, I wrote "enjoy your free book, you tight fisted bastards") and registered it with the ISBN people, so they probably got info from one of those places. Still, pretty good going for Amazon, who are one of the world's better companies.
Anyway, it is 12 Pounds, or 15 Euros, including postage and packing. I'm going to try those paypal button things here. Send me an email at aosler@hotmail.com for more info.
1 This website
2 The gay bakers down the road
3 Smoking Man, who runs the wine shop
4 Any of about 10 people I have given free copies to. You could probably buy one of them on the cheap, if you do not mind peeling the dried tears of laughter and sorrow from the pages.
EDIT - 13 March
One of my many brothers just called - madly, Amazon started selling my book yesterday. Wow! Fast. They even know how many pages it is - a number that I deliberately kept secret, for reasons best known to myself. I sent a copy to the British Library - which is a legal requirement (inside, I wrote "enjoy your free book, you tight fisted bastards") and registered it with the ISBN people, so they probably got info from one of those places. Still, pretty good going for Amazon, who are one of the world's better companies.
Anyway, it is 12 Pounds, or 15 Euros, including postage and packing. I'm going to try those paypal button things here. Send me an email at aosler@hotmail.com for more info.
That's for the UK
and that is for the rest of Europe, apart from Switzerland, for some reason. The US dollar is worth nothing right now, so I'm not putting it up in dollars just yet.
(I have to write something in here, because blogger is shite and keeps deleting the empty lines I put in. Amazingly, it is still doing it. What is wrong with this software? Blogger can piss off)
Finally, here is one for Germany - a bit cheaper as the postage is only E1.50 (E12.50 in total)
For those of you with weak minds, here is a reminder of the chapter titles:
Foot in Mouth Disease
Religion – The Original Con
Darwinian Evolution – Religion for Atheists
Education – Another Brick in the Wall
The Destruction of Culture – Mozart Spins in his Grave
Hollywood History Lessons
Real History Lessons
Biological Warfare at Home
Blackmailing the Rulers of the World
Disinformation, Crisis Management and the Super Bizarre
Puppeteers and the Art of Misdirection
Conjecture, Opinion and other such Wank
73 comments:
That works out 50p cheaper in Europe. Its rip-off Britain again. Talk about a con.
Did you know that in a survey of 246 trees, over half of them said they didn't believe in conspiracy theories. The others were reading your book.
What conspiracy theories? And my book is not made from trees, it is made from pulped Christians.
Alan
Your book has more spelling mistakes than a dyslexic's diary.
I will be studying your book in depth at my earliest possible inconvenience. I will inform you of my opinion, but already I can say that a chapter title with the word Wank in it is clearly above my intellectual level. I'm writing a book, and its just entitled "Cunts". Excellent.
I'm including these comments in the next edition of the book.
Alan
I kept looking for the promised chapters on dogging and cottaging and the talked up erotic subtext. Very disappointed to discover these have been omitted. Presumably this is state controlled censorship.
Presumably James will have a chapter called 'Alan Osler' in his book.
Read the book... Shipped a "paid for" copy to a friend in Oklahoma. May need more copies... Can we talk about a deal?
Of course. Perhaps over drinks tomorrow.
Alan
Books, who reads books nowadays. I watch BBC documentaries and I'm the most informed person I know. Rule Britannia. Down with Mugabe.
Did I mention that I have nothing against Africans. I know one, he works in the local Tesco as a cleaner. I saw him from the other side of the shop last week. I didn't speak to him though. I'm sure he is happy working as a toilet attendant. After all, its better than walking 20 miles just to get some fresh water. He is indebted to people like me. Marvellous.
We need to do a video advertising your book. What do you think? I think we have to use Carl Orff's Meisterwerk, the Carmina Burana, somehow in there.
If we are suggesting soundtracks - I think you should choose from one of Oslers favourite films - so either 'The Naked Civil Servant' or 'Brokeback Mountain'
Alan, because I know you are a fan of Jeff Steinberg, I add this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rut-tXh_TEI
There's only one George Galloway!
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/Ibykus/ThereSOnlyOneGeorgeGalloway
The man in the photos has not read your book, but he likes shouting at people from the top of his hippy bus.
Jeff Steinberg looks like Larry David
Alan
George Galloway appears to be eating a silver ice cream in each of those photos
Alan
What sort of key opens any lock?
a Pikey.
You need to write something new on your blog, otherwise people will think that the newest thing you've done is read other people's comments.
Was ist der Unterschied zwischen Frauen und Hühner?
Hühner sitzen ruhig auf die Eier.
I've got a new webpage nearly ready - although it will link back to here for comments, because it is shite.
It will take a few weeks of course.
For Christ's sake post a bit more often. You do nothing. Your 'blog' puts something out about once every two months and frankly equates to one of those chain letters you get at Christmas telling you how erstwhile friends of yours now have prodigiously capable children. This is just a cheap way of having a web page, which given the subject matter you push, is piss-poor. Get on with it you total cock. Instead of being aloof of all normal political process, why not comment on it to draw the reader in? I have now lost count of the times I've come to this page expecting to see some amusing comment. Instead you have disappeared up your own arse. You know well and truly the truth is hard to get people to accept, but instead of selling it as you can, you have opted for just having a dismissive contempt for ordinary thinking.
Hey Anonymous,
As much as I would like to tell you to shove it up your..., this time you are right! Al, get back to work informing us and reminding us that there is someone out there who makes us question what we see and hear. I've joined the ranks of the STUPID Working Class and have totally let myself and other down by not updating my blog but you - this is your life and an important part of ours. So get back to work ! NOW!!!
Wow! Such anger! I have to work out a way to keep the book at the top, and have new posts under it. That is going to take at least a month to work out. (altering the date on the post and making it a link, probably). Besides, nothing funny on the planet has happened for weeks - it is all death, disease and general insanity.
Anyway, next time I drink wine, I'll update this site and add a little something to your sad lives.
Alan
We are all sad worshippers of the man named Alan. It would be more appropriate if you were called Brian. Then, at least we might laugh about it.
Did you know that Obama is a racist. He has jumped into bed with Al Gore. I wonder if Obama hates black people. If I see someone in the KKK with a rather dark tan, I might begin to wonder.
I love Lamp.
Wow. A comment about the possibility of a post. If your big concern is that you need to keep the book at the top, (meaning this isn't a blog at all, its a marketing tool) then why not serialise your own book in the blog? Like the Times with Cherie's worthless drivel. Put out a couple of extracts of the funny bits. Both of them. It'll be like one of those movie trailers which turn out to have the best bits in the entire film and leave the viewer feeling cheated. Or is that what's holding you back?
This book is shit. I read a copy someone forgot on the bus. Who does the author think I am? Did he really expect me to read this whole book? Damn you man, where are the pictures. At least at the movies you might get a gratuitous tit shot if you are lucky. None of that in these things called boooks. The Interweb is also 99% porn. 1% crap. Your book is not in the 99%.
Searching through a sea of bullshit in the British Library I happened upon your book. Not bad for a first attempt.
Hey Alan, we miss you man! Such anger on the blog by other bloggers... See what happens when you take an unscheduled pause. Been truly busy. Traveling each weekend and working Monday thru Thursday. Did you do the Flea market? Lost my cell phone, again. This time it will not return. Tell MF hello for me...
Who on earth are all these people?
I had a complaint from one reader, who said that I got the definition of "fundamentalist" wrong.
I said it meant "not enough fun, too much mental", and she corrected me using the dictionary definition. haha! God knows what she'll think when she gets to the bit about magic mushrooms and the devil.
And keep up the random comments about Barak Obama. There is nothing more relevent to this blog. NOTHING.
Alan
new post is up now. It is well worth the wait.
oh yes, it is under this one - I finaly worked out how to make this one say 2009.
How frightfully rude some people are. I would hope that you don't take this all personally. I wrote a book once. It consisted of my thoughts while sitting on the toilet. I never got to publish it though. After one particularly good writing session in the fine facilities of the Hog's Head Tavern I was so excited by my discovery of what I might only describe as nirvana, that I left my manuscript in the cubicle, and sadly it was never to be seen again.
I like books. They taste of ink and sometimes when I am hungry, I even eat a whole one. My favourite is anything by Dan Brown. You know what they say, "Shit in, shit out." Anyway I might hopefully have the pleasure of dining on your complete works one day. Do you do flavoured pages?
Mugabe is the man. Do you defend him or support the british attack on a black revolutionary? I want to see some blogging on this. This could be an extra chapter to your new book, british secret service subversion operation.
And now for the best comment ever:
http://dresdenrebuiltbyme.blogspot.com/
And something even better. Check this out. It is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sQQcrM7A8Q
Ah, Cockpuncher. Seagal will forever rule the crappy 80's action movie genre, regardless that most of his movies were in the 90's. Funniest thing I saw in ages.
Hi Alan,
check this out. I found it most apt.
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff302/slypuck2/ObamaChange.jpg
the pasted link is not shown, so click the username for the link to work.
Also, I just read in Spiegel that 99% of cat owning males support Barack Obama. Be careful man.
I heard today that Obama's father was a British agent. Is this bollocks?
Alan
It might be bollocks, but Obama works for a British agent, so anything is possible.
Hugging Nirvana - your manuscript was seen again - down at the local sewage works along with the rest of the shite.
I'm poster no.50, what an honour. Its not like being the 50th person in other stuff, this is actually meaningful. I could have been the 50th person to read Alan's book, but I was no.34 or something. I can't wait until there are another 49 posts. Maybe I will make that historic number too. Anyway I'm off for a number 2.
Did you know that Jesus was actually Indian? Superman was too, but you know Hollywood.
Hilary is back in the Game. Obama sucks worse than a broken vacuum cleaner.
is there anything in there about me or oddly positioned straw?
Oz - does it solve the fat man / straw dilemma? If so, where can I get my free copy?
ARSE
Christianity is a jewish conspiracy. Ha, blame that one on the Jews, see what happens. I'm a Jehovah's Witness. It is said in the bible that a book by a man called Alan would be written, and that it would sell like hot cakes. Might this be your book?
Christianity is a jewish conspiracy. Ha, blame that one on the Jews, see what happens. I'm a Jehovah's Witness. It is said in the bible that a book by a man called Alan would be written, and that it would sell like hot cakes. Might this be your book?
This blog is officially now Jewish. It is without foreword.
My dog ate your book. Would you please send me another one free of charge?
good God, the comments are funnier than Hale & Pace.
The general comment about your blog is that it is quite amusing. I was reading through the comment section again and was cracking up. Normally I dislike Brits, but you amuse me, not only because of your general appearance.
My we see something on my good brother, Mr Obama?
Pachelbel made an enemy.
I met you once. You were drunk and ranting about how the toilet was invented by some Sumarian god by the name of Crappa. Next you will tell me that the french invented soap.
I was reading your book and must say that it is a mighty fine piece of work, well thought-out, excellently written, very humourous. There is only one book I found funnier and that was David beckham's autobiography. Actually, there is another, it was by this David Icke fellow. Maybe you know him. He believes in alien royal families and flying cutlery and the like.
What is coming up in the next edition of your book? I want to see something on the principles of statecraft
I read your book and then decided to go eat a doner kebab. The kebab was good, but I can't comment on your book as the kebab distracted my entire chain of thought.
Good discussion of 911 and the Iranians. When might we expect the next crime thriller?
Today I was reading your book and taking a crap at the same time. I didn't wipe my arse with your book, but then you chose not to print it on toilet paper. What a shame. I could have made a most colourful contribution to your work. If you ever need a contribution, maybe some post-modern cover art, or simply to fill a page or 3 if your book is looking a bit thin, you know that I and the other guy who read your book will be happy to help out.
By now I guess your book is selling like stolen skoda parts. We, your loyal fan club of one, and honourary friend Bob, some say he doesn't exist, but I talk to him regularly, are looking forward to your safe return to the land of Beer and Bratwurst. Come back soon, Mr Loser.
Butt Cheeks
Holy flying faecal matter, I just found Alan Osler's blog and it is even better than that book he says he authored.
Today is a deeply sad day. More than several days ago Alan published his book. It is sad because my friend Bob's goldfish Freddie Mercury II died in a tragic automobile accident today while discussing the merits of freedom of speech for idiots who think they can write books. Sadly we will never know his conclusion as the impact catapulted him from his bowl, along with his mini castle. Rumour has it that he had the misfortune of plummeting through the open sunroof of a Mitsubishi shitbox filled with a japanese family. Whether the impact killed him, we do not know, but I mourn him all the same. Freddie, you will be sorely missed, as is your namesake. At least your death was quick and provided someone with a nutritious meal. Honour him, for he never read your book. He died innocent.
Did you know that Theodor Adorno tried to hide behind his long amputed turtle neck in his insistence that he was not a Nazi. Hannah Arendt joined the club, claiming that bouncing on the pogo stick of Heidegger did not to diminish her identity as a jewish intellectual, however the talking in bed afterwards if exposed would have compromised her true leanings. Shame these people both felt the need to spread their anti-human crap. Check out the latest stuff on the Hitler Youth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne-X_vFWMlw
Holy flying fecal matter, Batman, this blog has not been updated in ages. I guess Alan has become a lone ex-crusader for truth. Maybe he should join the Links Partei and become a socialist. Bismarck hated and distrusted the socialists, as did any other intelligent person. The question now becomes "What will Mr Osler do?"
Change, Hope and Alan Osler's blog. If Barack Obama can do it, so can you. We want more from the great Alan.
Alan, I love you're book! Thanks so much!
Read Treason in America, by Anton Chaitkin. It is now available on www.archive.org
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