Sunday, 12 December 2010

Book for sale! Finally.




(this is a permanent top post - newer stuff is under, so don't tell me that it isn't 2012 please. .....Jan 2011 and I've changed it back. I so crazy)
It is finally here...The Con - Scuba Diving in the Sea of Disinformation can now (12 March 2008) can be bought from...

1 This website
2 The gay bakers down the road
3 Smoking Man, who runs the wine shop
4 Any of about 10 people I have given free copies to. You could probably buy one of them on the cheap, if you do not mind peeling the dried tears of laughter and sorrow from the pages.

EDIT - 13 March

One of my many brothers just called - madly, Amazon started selling my book yesterday. Wow! Fast. They even know how many pages it is - a number that I deliberately kept secret, for reasons best known to myself. I sent a copy to the British Library - which is a legal requirement (inside, I wrote "enjoy your free book, you tight fisted bastards") and registered it with the ISBN people, so they probably got info from one of those places. Still, pretty good going for Amazon, who are one of the world's better companies.

Anyway, it is 12 Pounds, or 15 Euros, including postage and packing. I'm going to try those paypal button things here. Send me an email at aosler@hotmail.com for more info.












That's for the UK











and that is for the rest of Europe, apart from Switzerland, for some reason. The US dollar is worth nothing right now, so I'm not putting it up in dollars just yet.
(I have to write something in here, because blogger is shite and keeps deleting the empty lines I put in. Amazingly, it is still doing it. What is wrong with this software? Blogger can piss off)
Finally, here is one for Germany - a bit cheaper as the postage is only E1.50 (E12.50 in total)








For those of you with weak minds, here is a reminder of the chapter titles:

Foot in Mouth Disease
Religion – The Original Con
Darwinian Evolution – Religion for Atheists
Education – Another Brick in the Wall
The Destruction of Culture – Mozart Spins in his Grave
Hollywood History Lessons
Real History Lessons
Biological Warfare at Home
Blackmailing the Rulers of the World
Disinformation, Crisis Management and the Super Bizarre
Puppeteers and the Art of Misdirection
Conjecture, Opinion and other such Wank

82 comments:

Anonymous said...

That works out 50p cheaper in Europe. Its rip-off Britain again. Talk about a con.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jonathan Swift said...

Did you know that in a survey of 246 trees, over half of them said they didn't believe in conspiracy theories. The others were reading your book.

Anonymous said...

What conspiracy theories? And my book is not made from trees, it is made from pulped Christians.

Alan

Anonymous said...

Your book has more spelling mistakes than a dyslexic's diary.

James said...

I will be studying your book in depth at my earliest possible inconvenience. I will inform you of my opinion, but already I can say that a chapter title with the word Wank in it is clearly above my intellectual level. I'm writing a book, and its just entitled "Cunts". Excellent.

Anonymous said...

I'm including these comments in the next edition of the book.

Alan

Milicent Bystander said...

I kept looking for the promised chapters on dogging and cottaging and the talked up erotic subtext. Very disappointed to discover these have been omitted. Presumably this is state controlled censorship.

Anonymous said...

Presumably James will have a chapter called 'Alan Osler' in his book.

jdav007 said...

Read the book... Shipped a "paid for" copy to a friend in Oklahoma. May need more copies... Can we talk about a deal?

Anonymous said...

Of course. Perhaps over drinks tomorrow.

Alan

Tree lover said...

another tree dead, and all because you wanted to publish a book. Damn you.

Anonymous said...

Books, who reads books nowadays. I watch BBC documentaries and I'm the most informed person I know. Rule Britannia. Down with Mugabe.

Anonymous said...

Did I mention that I have nothing against Africans. I know one, he works in the local Tesco as a cleaner. I saw him from the other side of the shop last week. I didn't speak to him though. I'm sure he is happy working as a toilet attendant. After all, its better than walking 20 miles just to get some fresh water. He is indebted to people like me. Marvellous.

Sideboob said...

We need to do a video advertising your book. What do you think? I think we have to use Carl Orff's Meisterwerk, the Carmina Burana, somehow in there.

Kitty said...

If we are suggesting soundtracks - I think you should choose from one of Oslers favourite films - so either 'The Naked Civil Servant' or 'Brokeback Mountain'

James said...

Alan, because I know you are a fan of Jeff Steinberg, I add this link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rut-tXh_TEI

George Galloway said...

There's only one George Galloway!

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/Ibykus/ThereSOnlyOneGeorgeGalloway

The man in the photos has not read your book, but he likes shouting at people from the top of his hippy bus.

Anonymous said...

Jeff Steinberg looks like Larry David

Alan

Anonymous said...

George Galloway appears to be eating a silver ice cream in each of those photos

Alan

Sideboob twin something said...

What sort of key opens any lock?

a Pikey.

Deuce Bigalow's left buttcheek said...

You need to write something new on your blog, otherwise people will think that the newest thing you've done is read other people's comments.

Was ist der Unterschied zwischen Frauen und Hühner?

Hühner sitzen ruhig auf die Eier.

Anonymous said...

I've got a new webpage nearly ready - although it will link back to here for comments, because it is shite.

It will take a few weeks of course.

Anonymous said...

For Christ's sake post a bit more often. You do nothing. Your 'blog' puts something out about once every two months and frankly equates to one of those chain letters you get at Christmas telling you how erstwhile friends of yours now have prodigiously capable children. This is just a cheap way of having a web page, which given the subject matter you push, is piss-poor. Get on with it you total cock. Instead of being aloof of all normal political process, why not comment on it to draw the reader in? I have now lost count of the times I've come to this page expecting to see some amusing comment. Instead you have disappeared up your own arse. You know well and truly the truth is hard to get people to accept, but instead of selling it as you can, you have opted for just having a dismissive contempt for ordinary thinking.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous,

As much as I would like to tell you to shove it up your..., this time you are right! Al, get back to work informing us and reminding us that there is someone out there who makes us question what we see and hear. I've joined the ranks of the STUPID Working Class and have totally let myself and other down by not updating my blog but you - this is your life and an important part of ours. So get back to work ! NOW!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Such anger! I have to work out a way to keep the book at the top, and have new posts under it. That is going to take at least a month to work out. (altering the date on the post and making it a link, probably). Besides, nothing funny on the planet has happened for weeks - it is all death, disease and general insanity.

Anyway, next time I drink wine, I'll update this site and add a little something to your sad lives.

Alan

Anonymous said...

We are all sad worshippers of the man named Alan. It would be more appropriate if you were called Brian. Then, at least we might laugh about it.

Deuce Bigalow's right butt cheek said...

Did you know that Obama is a racist. He has jumped into bed with Al Gore. I wonder if Obama hates black people. If I see someone in the KKK with a rather dark tan, I might begin to wonder.

Anonymous said...

I love Lamp.

Opinions are like arse***** said...

Wow. A comment about the possibility of a post. If your big concern is that you need to keep the book at the top, (meaning this isn't a blog at all, its a marketing tool) then why not serialise your own book in the blog? Like the Times with Cherie's worthless drivel. Put out a couple of extracts of the funny bits. Both of them. It'll be like one of those movie trailers which turn out to have the best bits in the entire film and leave the viewer feeling cheated. Or is that what's holding you back?

God's waste products said...

This book is shit. I read a copy someone forgot on the bus. Who does the author think I am? Did he really expect me to read this whole book? Damn you man, where are the pictures. At least at the movies you might get a gratuitous tit shot if you are lucky. None of that in these things called boooks. The Interweb is also 99% porn. 1% crap. Your book is not in the 99%.

Jack's raging Bile duct said...

Searching through a sea of bullshit in the British Library I happened upon your book. Not bad for a first attempt.

jdav007 said...

Hey Alan, we miss you man! Such anger on the blog by other bloggers... See what happens when you take an unscheduled pause. Been truly busy. Traveling each weekend and working Monday thru Thursday. Did you do the Flea market? Lost my cell phone, again. This time it will not return. Tell MF hello for me...

Anonymous said...

Who on earth are all these people?

I had a complaint from one reader, who said that I got the definition of "fundamentalist" wrong.

I said it meant "not enough fun, too much mental", and she corrected me using the dictionary definition. haha! God knows what she'll think when she gets to the bit about magic mushrooms and the devil.

And keep up the random comments about Barak Obama. There is nothing more relevent to this blog. NOTHING.

Alan

Alan Osler said...

new post is up now. It is well worth the wait.

Alan Osler said...

oh yes, it is under this one - I finaly worked out how to make this one say 2009.

James said...

Dear Mr Alan,
I must whole-heartedly rub the excrement that is your love of Barack Obama in your face as he has now whored himself out not only to Al Gore, but also to AIPAC. Check out his speech on Pootube, or youtube as it is still currently called. Mr Lyndon LaRouche was right and will continue to be proven so. It does not change anything that Hillary is unfortunately dropping out of the race. Obama is a lying bitch. There are certain aspects of counter-intelligence that you sadly missed.

Hugging Nirvana said...

How frightfully rude some people are. I would hope that you don't take this all personally. I wrote a book once. It consisted of my thoughts while sitting on the toilet. I never got to publish it though. After one particularly good writing session in the fine facilities of the Hog's Head Tavern I was so excited by my discovery of what I might only describe as nirvana, that I left my manuscript in the cubicle, and sadly it was never to be seen again.

literary feast said...

I like books. They taste of ink and sometimes when I am hungry, I even eat a whole one. My favourite is anything by Dan Brown. You know what they say, "Shit in, shit out." Anyway I might hopefully have the pleasure of dining on your complete works one day. Do you do flavoured pages?

More potent than a Black Panther said...

Mugabe is the man. Do you defend him or support the british attack on a black revolutionary? I want to see some blogging on this. This could be an extra chapter to your new book, british secret service subversion operation.

Not a German. said...

And now for the best comment ever:

http://dresdenrebuiltbyme.blogspot.com/

Cockpuncher said...

And something even better. Check this out. It is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sQQcrM7A8Q

Barack Osama said...

Barack Obama is Soros' puppet.

James said...

Ah, Cockpuncher. Seagal will forever rule the crappy 80's action movie genre, regardless that most of his movies were in the 90's. Funniest thing I saw in ages.

The first foetus on the moon. said...

Hi Alan,
check this out. I found it most apt.

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff302/slypuck2/ObamaChange.jpg

Moon foetus' toe cheese said...

the pasted link is not shown, so click the username for the link to work.

Also, I just read in Spiegel that 99% of cat owning males support Barack Obama. Be careful man.

Anonymous said...

I heard today that Obama's father was a British agent. Is this bollocks?

Alan

Bobby Joe said...

It might be bollocks, but Obama works for a British agent, so anything is possible.

Anonymous said...

Hugging Nirvana - your manuscript was seen again - down at the local sewage works along with the rest of the shite.

Poster no.50 said...

I'm poster no.50, what an honour. Its not like being the 50th person in other stuff, this is actually meaningful. I could have been the 50th person to read Alan's book, but I was no.34 or something. I can't wait until there are another 49 posts. Maybe I will make that historic number too. Anyway I'm off for a number 2.

Anonymous said...

Did you know that Jesus was actually Indian? Superman was too, but you know Hollywood.

Anonymous said...

Hilary is back in the Game. Obama sucks worse than a broken vacuum cleaner.

fat man said...

is there anything in there about me or oddly positioned straw?

Mekon said...

Oz - does it solve the fat man / straw dilemma? If so, where can I get my free copy?

Anonymous said...

ARSE

Anonymous said...

Christianity is a jewish conspiracy. Ha, blame that one on the Jews, see what happens. I'm a Jehovah's Witness. It is said in the bible that a book by a man called Alan would be written, and that it would sell like hot cakes. Might this be your book?

Anonymous said...

Christianity is a jewish conspiracy. Ha, blame that one on the Jews, see what happens. I'm a Jehovah's Witness. It is said in the bible that a book by a man called Alan would be written, and that it would sell like hot cakes. Might this be your book?

Anonymous said...

This blog is officially now Jewish. It is without foreword.

Anonymous said...

Your blog sucks. My grandma could update her blog faster than you can yours, and she doesn't even know what a blog is.

Tony Blair said...

My dog ate your book. Would you please send me another one free of charge?

Alan Osler said...

good God, the comments are funnier than Hale & Pace.

Your Friend said...

The general comment about your blog is that it is quite amusing. I was reading through the comment section again and was cracking up. Normally I dislike Brits, but you amuse me, not only because of your general appearance.
My we see something on my good brother, Mr Obama?

Guitar rage said...

Pachelbel made an enemy.

Sir Lancelot's spare suit of armour. said...

I met you once. You were drunk and ranting about how the toilet was invented by some Sumarian god by the name of Crappa. Next you will tell me that the french invented soap.

I. P. Freely said...

I was reading your book and must say that it is a mighty fine piece of work, well thought-out, excellently written, very humourous. There is only one book I found funnier and that was David beckham's autobiography. Actually, there is another, it was by this David Icke fellow. Maybe you know him. He believes in alien royal families and flying cutlery and the like.

Andrew Johnson said...

What is coming up in the next edition of your book? I want to see something on the principles of statecraft

Avid Fan said...

I read your book and then decided to go eat a doner kebab. The kebab was good, but I can't comment on your book as the kebab distracted my entire chain of thought.
Good discussion of 911 and the Iranians. When might we expect the next crime thriller?

A. Nuß said...

Today I was reading your book and taking a crap at the same time. I didn't wipe my arse with your book, but then you chose not to print it on toilet paper. What a shame. I could have made a most colourful contribution to your work. If you ever need a contribution, maybe some post-modern cover art, or simply to fill a page or 3 if your book is looking a bit thin, you know that I and the other guy who read your book will be happy to help out.

Edward Norton said...

By now I guess your book is selling like stolen skoda parts. We, your loyal fan club of one, and honourary friend Bob, some say he doesn't exist, but I talk to him regularly, are looking forward to your safe return to the land of Beer and Bratwurst. Come back soon, Mr Loser.

Anonymous said...

Butt Cheeks

Anonymous said...

Holy flying faecal matter, I just found Alan Osler's blog and it is even better than that book he says he authored.

Obi Wan(k) Kenobi said...

Today is a deeply sad day. More than several days ago Alan published his book. It is sad because my friend Bob's goldfish Freddie Mercury II died in a tragic automobile accident today while discussing the merits of freedom of speech for idiots who think they can write books. Sadly we will never know his conclusion as the impact catapulted him from his bowl, along with his mini castle. Rumour has it that he had the misfortune of plummeting through the open sunroof of a Mitsubishi shitbox filled with a japanese family. Whether the impact killed him, we do not know, but I mourn him all the same. Freddie, you will be sorely missed, as is your namesake. At least your death was quick and provided someone with a nutritious meal. Honour him, for he never read your book. He died innocent.

Obamensch said...

Haha, Obama is such a loser.

Who else leaves messages on your blog? said...

Did you know that Theodor Adorno tried to hide behind his long amputed turtle neck in his insistence that he was not a Nazi. Hannah Arendt joined the club, claiming that bouncing on the pogo stick of Heidegger did not to diminish her identity as a jewish intellectual, however the talking in bed afterwards if exposed would have compromised her true leanings. Shame these people both felt the need to spread their anti-human crap. Check out the latest stuff on the Hitler Youth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne-X_vFWMlw

George Galloway's said...

Holy flying fecal matter, Batman, this blog has not been updated in ages. I guess Alan has become a lone ex-crusader for truth. Maybe he should join the Links Partei and become a socialist. Bismarck hated and distrusted the socialists, as did any other intelligent person. The question now becomes "What will Mr Osler do?"

Anonymous said...

Are doritos supposed to be green and hairy? Maybe thats why the dog died. Oh well, one less stupid animal on this planet.

Anonymous said...

Change, Hope and Alan Osler's blog. If Barack Obama can do it, so can you. We want more from the great Alan.

AaronMann said...

Alan, I love you're book! Thanks so much!

The Jolly Blogger said...

Read Treason in America, by Anton Chaitkin. It is now available on www.archive.org

Anonymous said...

Всем привет!

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товар продаем а поддоны остаются, у нас возник вопрос куда их девать.
Раньше мы их сжигали.
Потом мне подсказали, что за поддоны можно получить деньги.
Начал звонить по фирмам везде были цены дешевые,
потом знакомые мне подсказали, что в Челябинске есть такая Контора "[b]Уралсклад[/b]",
около 10 лет на Рынке Промышленной Тары с прекрасной репутацией.
Я нашел их сайт в интернет - [url=http://www.uralsklad.ru]www.uralsklad.ru[/url] и позвонил по тел. +7(351) 233-07-14.
Буквально через час подъехал их представитель, Авто с Логотипом "[url=http://www.uralsklad.ru]Поддоны Челябинск[/url]".
Цены закупочные оказались самые высокие в г. Челябинске.
Все цивилизовано грузчики загрузили [b]Паллеты[/b] ешё и лом поддонов купили, расчитались на месте наличными.
Про другие фирмы я узнавал либо Цены низкие, либо Бракуют много, да и денег от них не дождешься.

Так что если у вас завалялись [b]европоддоны[/b], не торопитесь их выбрасывать, лучше обменяйте их на деньги.

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