Wednesday, 30 January 2008

I'd buy that for a dollar

Today, I was going to write about how we sholdn't allow paedophiles to strip search children at airports, but the BBC have already covered this, and they get a few more visitors then I do.

So here is today's mess.

I had a call yesterday from my London based bodyguard, Alan Walker.

Mr Walker is one of the most highly decorated civillians in the United Kingdom. He received the Queen's Commendation for Bravery a few years ago - he saved someone's life by fighting an armed, convicted rapist, and restrained the felon until police arrived. This is just the tip of the iceberg regarding Mr Walker's selflessness - he has several similar awards.

How do we treat our heros?

Mr Walker dropped a cigarette butt on the pavement in a London street. He was accosted by two council workers, who decided to demand a fine of fifty pounds. Seventy five pounds, if he doesn't pay up quickly. If Mr Walker exercises his right to appeal and loses, he will face a fine of up to two thousand five hundred pounds. For dropping a cigarette butt.

I do not normally advocate swearing, as it debases our wonderful language...but what the fuck is going on? It is OK to use depleted uranium in the Middle East and poison the earth for millions of years to come, but if you drop a half inch piece of paper, you get threatened by people pretending to be policemen.

I'm tempted to suggest that Mr Walker is being hassled because of his sexual orientation.

Get out those "V" masks.

(oh, if anyone sees any spelling mistakes here, please point them out. Blogger have disabled my spellcheck (and several other things) for reasons best known to themselves. Wankers.)

17 comments:

John Ruberry said...

My spellcheck isn't working, either.

Anonymous said...

Really? Perhaps it is not as sinister as I thought.

It looked like the latest attempt by google at pissing me off...

Anonymous said...

Alan osler is gay.

Anonymous said...

alan osler is gay

Anonymous said...

alan osler is gay

Anonymous said...

alan osler is gay

Anonymous said...

alan osler is gay

Anonymous said...

alan osler is gay

Anonymous said...

jdav007 is gay too.

Anonymous said...

Tom is angry, because when you google "Tom Wright is Gay" you get this page. It is simply a repackaging of my original gag. Shame on you, Tom

Alan

Michael said...

Seems that Tom is suffering from law induced keyboard tourette.

jdav007 said...

What the hell is going on on that island? Alan, pay up before they take your house too... By the way what ever happened to the Girl soldier, captured by the Iranians, and paid hundreds of thousands of pounds for her insignificant story?

jdav007 said...

Also, even if Alan is gay, once was really enough! There are also problems with the education system on that island...

Alan Osler did Dwaaf. Twice. said...

Did I drink and post? Probably.
If you search for 'Tom Wright is gay' you get loads of stuff about the Tom Wright who is an archbishop. Not me. If you persist you get this american actor.

Disturbingly, if you search for Alan Osler, you actually get 'Alan Osler is God' in the text.

Jdav007 is an inverse racist. I know. I read his blog.

david dickenson said...

Alan, where is the promised book? - have many buyers queing up on ebay for the promised signed copy - think there might be something in this for you as well.

Jonathan Swift said...

It was a day just like this one, with people just like your neighbours, and then it happened, I ran out of toilet roll. The question soon became, what would McGyver do?

Anonymous said...

"sholdn't" is spelled wrong